infidelity

So, I've noticed that every infidelity story is pretty much the same.  We find a letter or an email or proof in a call... and then we realize that everything our friends and relatives have been telling us was true.  But what fascinates me is that it truly is the same story every time!!! 

Once he finds out we know, he slips into denial...  either it isn't his fault or we are imagining things, etc, etc, etc!  And of course, as women, we burden and carry the guilt around and most often times start doubting ourselves with thoughts like, "What didn't I do right?", "Am I not pretty enough?", "I need to lose weight!", "What's wrong with me?", or "What does she have that I don't, or what can she do that I can't?"  UGH!!!

Anyway, once the affair is realized, then we go through these motions:

1.)  Was it our fault, did we somehow contribute to the demise of our relationship?

2.)  We try and contact the other woman to validate what we already know.

3.)  We give the relationship another try just so that we can outdo the other woman and prove to him that we are just as good, if not better!

4.)  We try and lose weight, go and get procedures done, and wear sexier clothes just so that he can be attracted to us again.

5.)  We degrade ourselves by questioning everything, with where were you, why didn't you answer your phone, what time did you leave work, etc., etc., and etc.

6.)  We exhaust ourselves by trying to do everything right and get frustrated when there is proof that he is still up to no good.

7.)  We go through roller coasters of emotion:  hate, jealousy, rage, hopelessness, helplessness, fatigue, anger, sadness, self pity, lack of self esteem, and basically we lose ourselves in the process.

8.)  We engage in an internal battle of keeping him so we win what we think is "the prize" from the other woman, and then wanting him to be as far away from us as possible and hoping that he meets his fate by getting run down by the city bus.

Now, if we have children, this is where it gets hairy for some women...  those that lack self esteem and don't know how to fight fair, will often engage in this ugly battle by using the children as weapons.  THIS, I will not even get into as it is SO WRONG to let children be used as pawns during this especially hard time for them.  EVERY child knows and feels when there is something wrong between his/her parents, no matter what age...  and believe me, they have it hard enough...  they don't need to be felt abandoned by their dad on top of everything else. 

Ladies, listen up...  you are worth so much more than this.  You are ENTITLED to so much more.  Don't devalue your worth because he did.  You are beautiful and you deserve to be always treated like a princess/queen.  NOW, we all know who we are, if we haven't acted right or treated him as well as we could or should have, then that's on you.  And that is something you need to deal with.  But so as long as you've done what you were supposed to do, then you owe yourself so much more than this.  I don't want to make this one sided as I know there are many men that find themselves at the receiving end of this as well...  but men, you have options too.  We all have options...  and we are all God's children and although He wants us to humble ourselves, He does not want us in relationships that are not according to HIs ways.  I know many Christians find themselves struggling to do what is right in God's eyes and to seek what is right according to His words.  BUT, I can tell you that God does not want us to stay in relationships that are not in His favor.  I am a product of divorce...  both my parents divorced and I divorced my ex-husband.  All because of infidelity.  And although my mother was not governed by the laws of God, I was.  And it took me a long time to make the right decision.  I look back now and wonder if I could have done things differently, but I honestly don't think so.  I prayed earnestly to God every time I doubted and He revealed the truth to me EVERY TIME.  It is unbelievable what was revealed to me even when I wasn't looking or seeking.  Just through my prayer and covenant with God.  We have to remember that when we marry in front of the Lord, we make a vow of commitment.  A vow is a vow is a vow.  Anyone that feels that they are above vows that they make in front of God is destined for failure.

Anyway, this isn't a sermon, just an opinion.  I went through one of the roughest divorces in history.  And I will share it with you all but I just want to reach out and instill power back into the souls and spirits of women everywhere who have been scorned by deceit.  We are worth so much more and we need to know it.

Love,

Me