Happy Sunday! I have a topic that I have to discuss because it is something that I have to deal with as a mother all the time.
I have been blessed with 2 wonderful sons and 2 beautiful daughters. AND I have an adopted son and a daughter that have been around me like my own for years and years.
But what is interesting to me is that during the course of raising my children, I find myself educating them in different ways. All towards the same outcome; to be upstanding individuals in society... but to achieve it, I see that I go about it in different methods.
Let me explain. With my sons, (especially my eldest), I have always instilled the education of always being respectful, chivalrous, and to never lay a hand on a woman, EVER. I would always make sure to oversee what he watched and was exposed to as a young boy and through his teenage-dom, such as rated R movies where sex was casual and or disrespectful or women were exploited for their bodies. THIS IS HARD WHEN EVERY MAN MOVIE OUT THERE HAS A STRIP CLUB SCENE. I was always careful to explain that all women were beautiful on the outside because every one has t&a, but not all women were beautiful on the inside. I always warned him against how evil women could be... okay, not like the mom on "Waterboy", but you get the point. Most young girls play so many games and put themselves in such horrible positions just to "hook" a guy and as a result, live miserable lives since their own self worth is so low to begin with. This is unfortunately so true of too many young ladies. I want him to find a girl/woman with smarts and sense... and a solid self esteem. One that is super secure of who they are before they find their partner in life. I do not want him to end up with a woman that needs a man in her life just to feel secure and or as a crutch! NO WAY, JOSE!
Now on to my eldest daughter... I allow her to see poignant love stories involving men/women now and always share reality with her. I want her to be strong and independent. I teach her what her inner beauty means to God and everyone else, and teach her that outer beauty (while especially important during her teenage-dom), doesn't always last forever as inner beauty can. I make sure that she is treated respectfully like a lady and that she deserves NO LESS from ANY boy/man. I want her to know that she must first stand on her own two feet before she leans on a man for anything. She must be able to take care of herself as marrying into money and all that other crap is NOT her goal, and not something I wish for her. And foremost, if ever a man laid a hand on her... I'd be serving jail time for quite a while. What happened to me WILL NOT happen to her, EVER. And I will make certain of that.
But even in our own home, we have such double standards as society does. Case in point, if an underage young boy is molested by a hot older chick... it's acceptable and "ooh'd and ahhh'd" about... high 5's and all. But if an underaged young girl is molested by an older man (hot or not), then it is considered a crime and of course, everyone is out for blood. Well, I'm sorry... but as a parent of both girls and boys, #1 - I don't find either to be acceptable... a child is a child is a child. An adult needs to exercise self control over their own actions. It does not matter how the child dresses, looks, or acts... a child is a child is a child. PERIOD.
Society already makes it hard on girls and boys with the tv shows and movies and how girls are "supposed" to act and how boys behaviors are "acceptable". But it is up to the parent(s) in each household to mold the character of their children. Those that have boys should care just as much even though their boys can't get pregnant... and those that have girls should teach them to be responsible for their own actions and not depend on being taken care of simply because a pregnancy happens. If there is not caution being exercised beforehand (and I don't mean the use of birth control or contraceptives) like abstinence and self discipline, then the consequence falls on both parties. After all, just as it takes two to make a baby, it takes two to raise one. Although that is super confusing nowadays with insemination and solo parenting and all... but the whole of a child's inner strength and value is built by the strength and value of the parent(s). This is so important... kids do not raise themselves. They need guidance, structure, discipline, love, care, and protection. All these things make a child wholesome... which then creates a wholesome and great adult. It's bad enough that we live in a world that accepts divorce easier than marriage and denies the very foundation a marriage should be based upon, God. Even though matrimony is supposed to be holy... it seems more that in these days, it is just full of holes to escape whenever convenient. But as parents, we should reinforce what society does not. And I teach my children that marriage vows are to be taken seriously and anything physical between two people should be taken even more seriously as it really is a covenant and it stands for the consummation of the act of marriage and or partnership. I'm not sure that I would easily agree to my children playing house before marrying as that in itself damages the very foundation and structure of marriage. Now I know quite a few people this has worked for... but statistically... according to studies from an older census:
Marriage is the Most Popular Union
Of 8.4 million families, 5.9 million (70%) are married couples; 1.3million (16%) are lone-parent; 1.2 million (14%) are common-law partners and34,200 (0.5%) are same-sex partners.
The Census also shows that 68% ofchildren aged 0-14 live with married parents and 13% with common-law parents,while 19% do not live with both parents.
Marriage is More Stable
- while there has been an increase in the break-up of allunions, that common-law unions are generally less stable than marriages. Infact, they are twice as likely to end in separation as marriages.
- If a common-law union does not turn into a marriage, about one-halfdissolve within five years. Even if they eventually marry, they are still morelikely to separate than people who married without first living common-law.
Marriage Provides a More StableSetting for Children
- Children born to a married couple who had not lived together beforemarrying were the least likely (13.6%)to see their parents break up.
- Family breakdown was a fact for a spectacular 63.1% of the children of unmarried, common-law couples.
- Children whose parents had lived common-law but then married (eitherbefore or soon after starting a family) were in an intermediate category.Approximately 25% of these childrenexperienced family breakdown.
Not only are the children of common-law unions at higher risk ofexperiencing family breakdown, but they are also much more likely to see thishappen at an early age often before their second birthday.
We adults have made many mistakes and have played games to an extent and have been hurt by the consequence of these actions, those of our own as well as of others. We should take that experience and help to prevent our children from suffering the same consequences or pain. I don't expect us to live for our children as I do believe that they have to experience certain things for themselves to really learn from it. Otherwise, they resent us for intervening and preventing them from having "fun"... but this is all within an extent. I know and believe this. I believe that God enabled me to experience many awful things in my life so that I can be better prepared to deal with my children and be steps ahead of them. But God also blessed me in not having to put any of that to use yet... what an irony. He works in mysterious ways and you just never know what is in store except just to follow his lead and be prepared for whatever is to come.Love,
Me
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