The wave of anger I decided to surf on...

I'm mad at myself just as much as with you.  I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for the things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you an important part of my life, for depending on you, for wasting my time, and then still being able to forgive you, think of you, wish good things for you, and even dream of you.  BUT MOST OF ALL, I am mad at myself for not hating you, which is how I really should feel. 

What's on my mind?  I'm fkn tired.  I'm tired of caring for people who don't give a sh*t about me.  I'm tired of thinking things will be different, yet they never change.  I'm tired of giving out chances, only to be let down.  I'm tired of putting forth 110% of effort and only getting back 25% in return.  I'm tired of broken promises.  I'm tired of let downs by the people who matter to me the most.  I'm tired of making someone a priority, when in reality I'm just a number to them.  I'm tired of sh*tty friends who are never there for me.  I'm tired of self centered a**holes, who only manipulate a situtation from their own perspective, never even thinking about what someone else is going through.  I'm so tired of the same old bullsh*t over and over again.  I guess I am just tired, yet I can't sleep...  I wish I could close my eyes and wake up to a whole new world in a new dimension and time.