The wave of anger I decided to surf on...

I'm mad at myself just as much as with you.  I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for the things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you an important part of my life, for depending on you, for wasting my time, and then still being able to forgive you, think of you, wish good things for you, and even dream of you.  BUT MOST OF ALL, I am mad at myself for not hating you, which is how I really should feel. 

What's on my mind?  I'm fkn tired.  I'm tired of caring for people who don't give a sh*t about me.  I'm tired of thinking things will be different, yet they never change.  I'm tired of giving out chances, only to be let down.  I'm tired of putting forth 110% of effort and only getting back 25% in return.  I'm tired of broken promises.  I'm tired of let downs by the people who matter to me the most.  I'm tired of making someone a priority, when in reality I'm just a number to them.  I'm tired of sh*tty friends who are never there for me.  I'm tired of self centered a**holes, who only manipulate a situtation from their own perspective, never even thinking about what someone else is going through.  I'm so tired of the same old bullsh*t over and over again.  I guess I am just tired, yet I can't sleep...  I wish I could close my eyes and wake up to a whole new world in a new dimension and time. 

RIP Caylee Anthony??? I don't think so...

Caylee Marie Anthony (August 9, 2005 – c. June 16, 2008)^[1] was a child from Orlando, Florida, whose disappearance in June 2008 attracted national media attention. Caylee's skeletal remains were discovered December 11, 2008, six months after she was reported missing by her grandmother, Cindy Anthony.^[2] Her mother, Casey Anthony, decided not to report her daughter missing, and was indicted on charges of felony murder, though she continued to maintain her innocence throughout her trial.
On July 5, 2011, Casey Anthony was found not guilty of murder, aggravated child abuse, and aggravated manslaughter, but guilty of four misdemeanor counts of providing false information to a law enforcement officer.^[3]

The following diary entry by Casey Anthony is dated "June 21" and reads:

I have no regrets, just a bit worried. I just want for everything to work out OK. I completely trust my own judgment and know that I made the right decision. I just hope that the end justifies the means. I just want to know what the future will hold for me. I guess I will soon see – This is the happiest that I have been in a very long time. I hope that my happiness will continue to grow– I've made new friends that I really like. I've surrounded myself with good people – I am finally happy. Let's just hope that it doesn't change.^[59]

WOW!  I don't even know what to say.  I thought for sure that justice would be served in this case.  I mean here is another young irresponsible, self centered, and immature woman who has killed her child and has shown absolutely no remorse or sorrow for her daughter's well being (initially lost, then found dead).  She didn't even report her own child missing until her parents finally did!  A whole month later!!!  Her parents were concerned for the safety of the child, not only because they predominantly raised her and cared for her, but because their daughter's towed vehicle smelled of death!!!  The so called mother of this beautiful almost 3 year old is out partying meanwhile and blaming some non-existent nanny that didn't even exist or even though she did, didn't ever meet any of the family members!!!  Am I the only one astonished and shocked here???  What is this world coming to???   I know about the mumbo jumbo of circumstantial evidence, I understand reasonable doubt, I understand facts, heresay, whatever...  BUT I AM A MOTHER IN PAIN FOR YET ONE MORE CHILD THAT WAS KILLED AT THE HANDS OF ITS OWN MOTHER WHO BORE IT LIFE!!!  WHY???  If you're not ready for a child, don't have one!  Otherwise, know that you need to sacrifice your life at some point wholeheartedly for your children.  PERIOD.  Hey, it might take some time getting used to the idea that you are your child's only provider and it might take time to actually perceive and understand that they have you and only you to rely on...  from the moment they come out of the womb to the day they or you die... they are your children and they deserve everything, something, anything from you.  After all, they didn't ask to be born, you couldn't keep your legs closed, the rubber ripped, you didn't think it wouldn't happen, blah, blah, blah...  at the end of the day...  YOU DIDN'T THINK...  PERIOD.  I am heart broken and I pray for that little baby who died a horrible death and was found duct taped with stickers and with her favorite blankie...  in the woods, six months later.  I don't know...  my heart is broken and I am ashamed of my peers that made the decision to let this murderer walk.  God bless and good night!