I am not a typical woman... but yet I am.

Hello All,

I am not your typical woman, but yet, I am.  Like any other woman, I am vulnerable, I am sometimes insecure, and I feel weak.  But understand this...  I am only vulnerable when it comes to my loved ones,  I am only insecure when it comes to providing for my loved ones, and I am weak when I know that my body may not take very much more...  which means I may not be able to do as much for my loved ones.  Other than this, I am not your typical woman.  I am a woman of my word (and character), of strength (through God), and of perseverance (for my loved ones).  I take my obligations and duties at work seriously, my responsibilities and duties as a parent seriously, and of course, as a human and Christian seriously...  my faith in God makes me strong where I am weak, every day.  I wake up crippled and walk around feeling only about 30% well but yet, something inside makes me strong and prompts me to continue forward every day.  To strive for more each day, to reach all my goals and objectives, and to meet all my own expectations ( I am my own worst critic).  I am not greedy and do not want to get rich quick (although I'd love to hit the jackpot or lotto), I know that is not what God put in my path.  He enables me when I work for it.  He helps me when I help myself.  He guides me when I am lost, and He holds me when I am weak and tired.  I want to help everyone I can around me but I've also realized that this is impossible to do.  I have to help those that I can but I will run out of the means to help everyone, and soon.  BUT it is incredibly important to me to try.  Even if there is only disappointment to follow my act of good will...  I have to know that I tried.  That makes me who I am.  And you know what, I might learn from that and move forward, or I might do it again.  Until I know that I've exhausted all avenues to help someone I care about and love, it's hard for me to move on.  BUT once I've had it, I've had it.  I will not look back and I will not put myself in the way of their recklessness again. 

I have many more stories to share...  of my past filled with abuse, heartbreak, and despair.  But I am thankful that I am still in existence and live to tell the tales.  Writing also makes me vulnerable...  because it tears open cracks to my soul, spirit, and being.  But there is a sense of calm and peace to my being able to write my thoughts on paper.  It brings me pleasure to know that someone can learn from or relate to my experiences and how I've overcome the many obstacles laid along my path to the present.  While I struggle to maintain my life on a daily basis, I also struggle at closing chapters in my life.  But I've realized that I cannot close these chapters without writing about them and reading each out loud.  Once that has happened, I can move on.  ONLY then, can I move forward.

Stay tuned for more to come!

Love,

Me